Xu Di, born in the 1980s, didn’t get into college after graduating high school. She spent two years working a sewing machine in a garment factory. At 20, she successfully matched through a blind date, got married, and had a child.

In 2020, after years of silently bottling up her frustrations, Xu Di was diagnosed with late-stage breast cancer. She underwent surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, and passed away in 2024, having lived a short life.

On her deathbed, Xu Di thought back to that blind date she had at age 20. If she had chosen the soldier from the neighboring village instead, would she still have developed cancer from all that suppressed resentment and died so young?

But just as her heart monitor flatlined, the question remained locked in her mind with no answer.

If there were a next life, she would rather choose a marriage where the man was away most of the year, earning money and sending it home, while she raised the child alone  than one where the man was physically present yet emotionally absent, a “widow-style” marriage in all but name.